PLANTING MY FEET ON SOLID GROUND

 

What Am I Worth?

Am I worth of who my parents are?

Am I worth of where I came from?

Am I worth of what my challenges are?

Am I worth of what my talents are?

Am I worth of how well I interact with others?

Am I worth of what my job title is?

Am I worth of how much money I make?

Am I worth of where I live?

NO!, my worth is not be judged by the things I HAVE.

But, only by what I AM.

It is WHAT I do with what I have,

That gives me WORTH as a human being of what I am.

As I became more settled down with a more permanent place to live and a steady job, I began to focus more on developing intimate relationships with friends and boyfriends.  As I had lived on my own for a few years and had come in contact with others and deal with them I learned lot about people.  I become more interested in them as to develop good friendships.

 

When I arrived back to the Puget Sound area in January of 1983, Bob and I looked in the newspaper classified ads for rooms for rent that I could move into.  My interest had shifted from cooperative housing to rooming houses where each renter is provided with a room with shared bathroom and kitchen use (shared or private), but without the common living areas that are included in cooperative households.  I figured that it would be easier for me to get into a rooming house or a cheaper studio apartment than it would into places that are more community based where there would be the greater concern of total strangers accepting me and giving me a chance.  By living more on my own, there wouldn’t be any worry of being expected to conform with a group, especially with shared meals where sticking to my diet would be more challenging, and about people who lack understanding of my background and who weren’t always nice about accepting me.

Bob drove me around to several places in the evenings and weekends in Seattle.  We viewed two mother-in-law basement studio apartments.  One was too dark and dismal looking and the other one was very nice with sliding doors to the back yard but too expensive.  We saw one studio in the basement of a regular apartment building in Ballard.  Though the apartment was nice by itself, the view was poor looking out into the parking lot and another building across the way without any vegetation to be seen.  I never demanded spectacular views–water and mountains–and I had always been contented with more commonplace scenery as long as I could see some form of plant life growing.

Finally, the fourth place we saw was in a rooming house that met all of the criteria I was looking for.  The room, that I signed a lease on, had a lot of natural light beaming through, a good view of the residential street with houses and shrubbery and the rent was reasonable with the utilities included.  There were windows facing north and east.  The room was fully furnished so I didn’t need to buy any furniture.  There was a full-size bed and Bob gave me sheets for it.  I used my cheap sleeping bag as a quilt.

Whenever I was home I kept myself busy drawing or reading.  I read as I sat on the old brown vinyl reclining chair that came with the room.  Most of the time I had my stereo on to a soft rock station, which I had placed on my navy blue footlocker by the north window.  My taste in music got more mature and I got away from hard rock, including heavy metal that I had listened to previously.  I didn’t have a television because I wasn’t interested enough to watch anything that would justify the cost of buying one.  Though I had a second thought of getting one just in case there is a special that I wanted to see and looked in the newspaper ads, I decided that I didn’t needed it since there had been plenty of things for me to do without one.  I had Bob and Jean store my drawing table since there wasn’t enough space.  I used the table that was in the kitchenette corner for both drawing and eating.

The kitchenette was equipped with all of the basics–a small refrigerator with a tiny freezer inside the main compartment, a small stove/oven range, a sink, and wood cupboards.  Bob and Jean gave me their old dish rack since I needed one and washed the dishes by hand.  When I visited my folks in Maryland and Pennsylvania, they gave me the kitchen basics that I had somehow managed without: mugs, a pot with lid, knives, and a complete silverware setting.

I shared the bathroom with three other women.  The old-fashioned bathroom, which was large, had a big textured window and an old bathtub with an added on shower hookup.  I was on the second floor that was accessible by stairs from the main hallway of the old charming house.

There were laundry facilities in the basement that was convenient for me rather than hauling my things to the Laundromat.  Although when there was a break down that lasted for a long time, I still avoided the commercial places.  Whenever I went to see Bob and Jean, especially since I went every week anyway, I brought my laundry with me and used their machines.  That saved me the inconvenience of going to the Laundromat and having to spend time there, besides saving money.

I was centrally located in the Wallingford neighborhood in Seattle that is close to the University of Washington and Lake Union and other attractions.  It was too bad that my friend Laura who had lived previously only blocks away had moved away to the Olympic Peninsula.  It would have been nice to stop by to see her on my walks.  I jogged all over the area including the popular parks nearby, such as Gas Works and Green Lake.  Gas Works that is on Lake Union contains remnants from an old gas production company.  Green Lake, which was a mile from me, has trails for bikes and pedestrians that go over three miles all around the manmade lake.

The bus service was very good in my area with a choice of three buses to downtown.  I was also able to go to other places just as easily with a straight shot–to all sorts of community events at the Seattle Center which was the site of the 1962 World’s Fair, and to the shopping malls in the north end.  This added greater flexibility in going places on my own.  This was especially useful whenever I needed to meet my driver early in the morning to be picked up for Mountaineer hikes.

 

To stretch my food dollar and food stamps I discovered the food bank and went there; while I was house sitting to pick up my monthly allotment of the government commodities and food donations by businesses and individuals. Luckily a woman was able to drive me home since it would have been too much of a load for me to carry on the bus.  Whatever things I didn’t use, such as meats and butter, I passed onto Bob.  Since I liked cheese occasionally and it was good to use for potluck dishes, I kept that even though I wasn’t supposed to have dairy products.  Even though I didn’t care very much for canned goods, they were good additions to my cooking and baking.

When I first moved to Wallingford, instead of going to a church building to pick up things from the food bank, an elderly man volunteered to pick up my allotments and delivered them in his station wagon to me once a week until I got a job.  That saved me from hauling everything on the bus.

Shortly after I arrived back to the Northwest from the east coast in January while I was staying at Bob and Jean’s before I moved into my place, Bob and Jean had a party with several people.  This turned out to be an important gathering I was in.  This was when I made a contact with a man with connections who gave me a job lead.  As I talked to him, I mentioned to him that I had been unemployed and that I was capable of doing many kinds of jobs and that I would be willing to learn new things.  George was the district general manager of ARA (Automated Retail Association) Services, Inc.; Puget Sound district had contracted with businesses to provide food and laundry services.  He was confident that he would be able to get me a job in food service at Boeing that had contracted with ARA Services.

I went to the district administrative offices, located in Tukwila, to fill out the employment application and indicated that I would be flexible as I felt that this would put me at an advantage.  There was an opening for a part-time general cafeteria position at the Boeing Seattle Plant II.  The Targeted Tax Credit Program that was set up to encourage and provide a reduction in taxes for employers to hire individuals with challenges and give them chances of which my employer was eligible upon hiring me.  I was hired and waited for my badge and nametag that was required for entry into Boeing property, to be made in order to start.  On a Friday morning about two weeks later, I was informed that my badge and nametag was done and I was to start my new job the following Monday.

On February 21, 1983, I began my food services job part-time.  I went by bus with a transfer in Downtown Seattle going through the industrial area in south Seattle.  My cafeteria was on the major street.  There was a pedestrian underpass since the arterial was very busy with many pedestrians.  In the mornings five days a week from Monday through Friday I usually arrived early so I would have enough time to have breakfast at the cafeteria before my five-hour shift began at nine.  I had a half-hour lunch break so I was done at two thirty.

Each employee was provided with a polyester smock, plaid with navy blue and orange lines on white, to be worn with navy blue pants and a sturdy pair of shoes with good support.  The supervisors were provided with white smocks to be worn with their navy blue pants.  I thought my smock was ugly with the fabric of manmade material and colors that were too clashed for my taste, though I didn’t mind wearing it during my shift as long as I had my shirt on underneath.

I was placed behind the scenes in the production center that was located in the main cafeteria.  Boeing Plant II had a bunch of food plazas scattered throughout the Seattle facility, in which food was prepared and packaged a day before and shipped from the production center.  Before service hours, the breakfast foods, grilled sandwiches, entrees, and TV dinners were heated and put out on display.  This system provided express service and saved Boeing workers time from having to go to a full service cafeteria and waiting to be served.  This way, people had an option to stay in the building and grab something quick to eat.

I was assigned to basic tasks that were included in my job classification of general cafeteria worker; putting food into containers, wrapping, and placing labels on them.  Each day there was a printout of the number of servings of each item to prepare.  Food was dished up after it had cooled into the containers that were counted out according to the figure on the production sheet.  After I filled each container and wrapped it, I placed it on a rack tray.  When each rack was full, I put it in a tall cart on wheels.  When I was done I wheeled it into a large walk-in cooler that was the size of a huge room.

During my first two weeks while most of the other workers were sent out to various locations to serve the customers directly or do cashiering, I remained on the floor finishing working on production.  My poor posture, crude gait, and my speech impediment apparently made people feel uncomfortable in placing me in direct contact with the patrons.  I didn’t mind since I was content in doing solitary work that allowed me to daydream.

After I was there for a few weeks, I was sent out to the dish room to help two other people when it was busy during lunchtime.  I mostly helped by getting the dishes and trays off the conveyor belt and put them in the commercial dishwasher.  The silverware was placed in special racks for soaking in water.  When the rack was full I placed it into the machine.  I liked the change of pace of working in more than one place during my shift.  After I worked in that section for a month, I was sent back to remain in the production area since they felt that they could manage okay without my assistance in the dish room.  I was a little bit disappointed, but I quickly adjusted to the change back to my original schedule.

For my shift I was entitled to two meals a day–breakfast and lunch, for free, though the taxes for these meals were deducted from my paychecks.  The value of them was considered income to be taxed along with regular income since I would need to purchase less food.  During lunch, especially the first week, I took so much food that I couldn’t finish it during my half-hour break.  With the availability of all that free food, I went crazy and took as much as I could carry on the tray.  I wanted to eat as much as possible so I wouldn’t need to buy as much for supper.  Whatever food was left I brought with me into the dish room or the production area.  When my shift was done I ate whatever I had left, even when I was already full from a huge meal.  We weren’t allowed to take any food out of the cafeteria, even things that would be thrown away.  By the end of my first week I learned to scale back on my meal to take what I could finish during my break.  I had had digestive problems from eating too much.

Generally the people, who worked with me, were very friendly.  They were mostly young women in the twenties like me, though there was a wide range of ages–from the late teens through the seventies.  They respected and accepted me for whom I was.  We talked to each other that were very good for my social development.  Though my supervisor spoke less to me after she knew me more, she was still friendly.  On the first day when she showed me what to do and worked with me, she talked non-stop and so much that I had difficulty in keeping up with what she said.  She probably sensed that I felt uncomfortable listening so much.  I wasn’t as attentive as I should have been due to my sensory overload.  Also my efficiency was reduced whenever I concentrated on listening to others, even though I could do more than one thing at a time, but just not as well in anything.  Though many others had no problems in working and talking simultaneously.

The food service establishment environment, with many different people around, was very good for developing my social skills.  I was provided with many opportunities to interact with others, especially during breaks and when I started and finished my shift.  I was no longer socially isolated as during my days when I was unemployed.  As I worked with a greater exposure to social situations, I became more comfortable interacting with others.  My attention span gradually increased, though I still had long ways to go.  Though some of the improvement could have been attributed to my diet with fewer animal foods and more wholesome vegetarian foods.

The cafeteria was a union shop so I was required to join a labor union within thirty days of employment.  Hotel Employees and Restaurant Employees (HERE), an affiliate of AFL-CIO federal conglomerate of unions, were involved with the three-year-contract negotiations.  Each contract included hourly rates structure, according to job classification and years of service, paid holidays and vacations, and some coverage of insurance in health and dental care with a contract with an insurance provider.  I liked the idea of union representation so that our voice could be heard more for better wages and benefits.

 

Just before I was hired, I received a letter from public assistance that my request for assistance was denied.  It stated that I wasn’t disabled enough and that I was capable of working.  That was okay since I was about to earn enough money though small to cover my basic expenses.

It helped a lot to keep my expenses very low without having a car or children.  Even with the availability of street parking by me, I didn’t feel a need for a car since I had been managing very well without one and was satisfied.  I was content to be without the worry of the expenses and maintenance of owning and driving a car.  Since out of economic necessity I didn’t have a choice, I was happy with what I did have and not concerned with what I didn’t have or need. 

I kept my food bill very low buying all unprocessed vegetarian foods besides having ten meals a week in my cafeteria.  Having food stamps left to carry me over into a few months of my job helped.  I had been taking advantage of the monthly specials at the Puget Consumers Co-op mostly for the bulk food items (grains and beans) and fresh produce.  I avoided ordering food at restaurants.  I also didn’t spend any money for entertainment, especially since there were a lot of free things to go to in Seattle.  With my thriftiness and despite my low earnings, I managed to save a little bit from each paycheck, even from part-time hours.

 

During the end of my eighth week at the Boeing Plant II cafeteria in April of 1983, I was informed that I no longer had a position there and a transfer was placed for me to the Boeing Renton Plant effective the following Monday.  While I worked in Seattle, a young female employee was out on maternity leave and came back to work shortly before I left.  I had noticed that when we had more people on the floor there was less work to go around.  It made sense that they couldn’t keep me there anymore.  Just when I was getting to know my coworkers it was time for me to leave.  I was nervous about my transfer with a longer commute or change of hours, though I felt lucky that there was an opening at Renton that made the transfer possible to avoid laying me off.

Actually, the commute to Renton, on the southern tip of Lake Washington about fifteen miles south of Seattle, wasn’t that bad with still two buses each way.  It only took about fifteen minutes longer each way to get there than to Plant II.  In a way I enjoyed the trip to Renton more since I went through more of the residential areas rather than industrial ones.  Though I warmed up to a more scenic commute there were some adjustments that I needed to make.

The main thing that I was disappointed in when I first began at the Renton plant, was that I would make less money due to a reduction in my hours–from five hours a day down to four.  Though my hourly rate was about to be increased after the probation period of sixty days.  Just when I got used to making a certain amount of money, it was a downer to start making less, especially without any advance warning.  Considering my background with autism and without any prior notice of the change, I didn’t do too badly emotionally.

I still was able to manage with less income, mostly by saving less.  I even was able to begin to have a small amount deducted from my paycheck every week for United States Savings Bond when Boeings had an annual spring US Savings Bond drive.  I quickly adjusted and began to enjoy having more free time as money isn’t everything or a guarantee to happiness.

At Renton, as in Plant II, I was placed in the production center in the second largest cafeteria.  It was back from the main road at the north section of the facility.  I did basically the same things as I did at the other place–placing food in containers, wrapping, and labeling.  I was also introduced to other tasks–making labels, using the sealer for sandwiches and desserts, and packing things to be sent out.  While most people were sent out to provide direct service, I remained with my supervisor, who was an older white haired woman in her sixties, in production.  With the challenge of the way I held myself, management, as in the other plant, didn’t feel comfortable in sending me out where I would be in front of customers.

My hours started out to be nine ‘o clock in the morning to one in the afternoon with only a ten minute break for lunch.  During such breaks I had just enough time to grab everything onto a heaping plate and take a few bites of it.  I saved most of my meal for after my shift and put it in the cooler.  I didn’t mind having everything cold.  Most of the other employees who worked four or five hours a day just had something quick to eat that they could finish within ten minutes and get back to work in time.  Most people ate faster than I could.

After a week of the grab-now-and-eat-later regimen, my supervisor who noticed what I had been doing informed me that it would be okay to have a half hour lunch, but I was required to end my shift a half hour later.  Before, I liked the idea of eating later so I would have more time to build up my hunger so I could eat more.  With the revised plan I was able to eat with others rather than alone.  This enabled me to visit with others more that overall was more enjoyable than eating later alone.

Though people were generally nice to me, I felt that I received a rather chilly reception from my supervisor the first week.  This reflected my low self-esteem.  But, Dorothy, after she got to know me more soon began to feel more comfortable with me and opened up and was able to joke with me.  Though she was able to have fun and laugh with people, she had a serious side.  Often with her brusque manner she reminded the workers to hurry up because there was a lot of work to do.  Initially I felt a little taken aback and maybe that I didn’t work very fast.  After a while, I began to realize that she said the same thing to everyone and I did work just as quickly as anyone else.  This was confirmed when my employee evaluation was gone over with me and she had rated me high with performance, cooperation, and attitude.

Generally at my Renton cafeteria, as compared to that in Seattle, the staff tended to be older and put more time into service.  This reflected the demographics of the surrounding areas.  Young adults in their late teens through the twenties tended to be attracted to the big city.   Older people in the thirties and beyond are more inclined to live in outlining areas.  There was still the similar range of ages as in my first facility but with a greater shift towards the more mature.  Many of my co-workers were in the thirties.  This was an interesting observation for me as it taught me that people in different age groups are more likely to prefer different places to live. 

Even though I hardly ever told jokes or only occasionally displayed good humor, I had always appreciated hearing jokes from others.  Though I didn’t laugh very much, humor helped take my mind off my problems and lifted my spirits.  It is very important in this stressful world and living stressful daily lives that we look at the funny side of things as a good coping mechanism.  Several of my co-workers were very humorous and in turn fun to be with. 

One young woman, who was a little bit older than I, was very funny and had a knack for telling one joke after another.  Patty was the cafeteria clown.  Jokingly, she often commanded “hurry up” in a foreign language (Spanish).  She was well liked by others.  It was a very good thing that she was able to have fun and make others laugh since her life wasn’t easy.  She was a single parent raising a five-year-old son in a low-income housing, though she did get married a few years later.

 

Even since I lived on my own and had worked and came in contact with more people, I had developed ideas of stereotypes.  I never used stereotypes as a base to form prejudices against anyone from any grouping.  Throughout out my growing-up years through my college days whenever I heard my family members have discussions using stereotypes, it didn’t make sense to me.  It was beyond me to understand why people from certain categories (ethnic, occupation, and socioeconomic) are supposed to act in certain ways.  With my relatively sheltered life-style of home and school without joining any activities outside of my classes, I denied myself opportunities to observe and get to know people and learn about the dynamics of society.

After a half a year of volunteering for the Washington Protection and Advocacy System while visiting my family in July of 1981 when I was twenty-four, something clicked and I began to grasp the meaning of stereotypes.  With my contact with various people from the disabled community, I observed that they tended to advocate for greater justice and exhibit more sensitivity towards others.

After working in food service for a while, it became clear that indeed each group contain members that by and large tend to exhibit certain sets of characteristics; food service workers, parents of children with disabilities, religious people, and highly educated people.  I inferred that in both of my cafeterias my co-workers mostly came from a lower socioeconomic class and tended to be highly social and many held views that were more on the conservative side.  I certainly didn’t fit in the mold, but it was a good time for me to be working there and I still got along with them well.

Occasionally, I got surprised when someone did something that I perceived as deviating from the norm among food handlers, such as taking bee pollen, eliminating dairy products, using a water-based vacuum cleaner, and understanding difficult scientific research.  As I got to know each co-worker, I wasn’t so concern with the general group attributes as to cause me to overlook the individuality for each.  The more I knew them the more I realized the commonalties we had–dealing with hardships and emotions and having concern for others.

As the concept of stereotypes is abstract, it is difficult for those with autism, who tend to be much better in concrete concepts, such as animals and computers, to grasp the understanding.  But, it isn’t impossible it just may take longer to learn.  They tend to learn best through book or rote learning rather than drawing inferences of abstract reasoning, such as social cues and attaching certain characteristics to people in different groupings.  It is probably to one’s advantage an inability to see people as stereotypes, as this lack or innocence tend to reduce the chance of one forming prejudices.

There is danger that excessive adherence to viewing individuals as stereotypes could lead to prejudice and discrimination.  They seem to lose their humanness and become like objects that to us could more easily be discarded.  At the most extreme this could cause wars between groups of nations.  It is okay to grasp stereotypes to build comprehension where people come from and what are they more likely to be drawn to.   Only with open mindedness can we see that in any group there are some who don’t fit the mold or share all the characteristics that most of the members have.